Man throws hard seltzer cans at Ted Cruz during Astros parade

Sen. Ted Cruz popped his head out of its dwelling, and as with most moles, some bystander tried whacking it with a mallet. During the Houston Astros World Series parade, Cruz thought it would be a good idea to give drunk people a moving target and hopped on the back of a Hummer to once again bask in the glory of other people’s success.

Then someone threw a couple of cans of Truly at him.

The alleged beverage thrower was pointed out by a member of Cruz’s detail and the man was subsequently arrested by Houston police. Joseph Halm Arcidiacono, 33, was charged with aggravated assault and his bail was set at $40,000.

In the video, Cruz raises a forearm to try to stave off the wayward White Claw but it ends up hitting him in the chest and neck area anyway. He didn’t require medical attention, and later tweeted that thankfully the guy had a “noodle for an arm.”

That’s fucking hysterical, Ted, now go to the next rally so your own party can hurl drinks and insults at you. Is there a dunk tank, or does Blofeld just shock you in your chair at random?

The question I have for Arcidiacono is, was it worth it? Your friends are going to give you shit any time you pick up a malt beverage from now until eternity.

“Watch out, guys, Joe’s has a few High Noons in him, that look in his eyes, and a roadie in his back pocket.”

If I were his attorney, I’d give the Patrick Mahomes excuse and say he wasn’t throwing 12 ounces of malt liquor at the senator as much as he was offering him something tasty to chug and maybe go viral. It’s not like he broke into his home and allegedly assaulted his spouse with a hammer. 

Anywho, happy Election Day. Go vote.