I’m here today to tell you the tale of how, allegedly, a Clemson basketball player’s “balls exploded.” However, what I’m really doing is trying to write enough dick jokes to hit 200 words so this blog post can get picked up in Google search before 15,000 other sites post it. So, my apologies to Brevin Galloway and his testicles, because I don’t feel like reducing my self-worth by delving deep into whatever happened in his shorts. (The university called it an “abdominal issue.”)
Here’s what transpired, per Galloway
First, the obligatory Twitter video for the people who did click on this, looking for more info beyond the headline.
After lifting and taking a nap, “I woke up from my nap, my balls, and my nutsack were exploded,” he said.
I’m at 107 words (and counting) so I don’t need many more to hit my goal, so here are some ball jokes that will hopefully put me out of my misery.
Forget gym, tan, laundry — this is gym, nap, “exploding balls.”
“Larry Bird doesn’t do as much ballhandling in a night as you do in an hour.” (RIP John Candy.)
There’s a Sam Cassell Big Balls celebration joke in here somewhere, I just don’t know how to phrase it that’s not forced.
Ditto for a reference to the huge ball episode of South Park, where Randy carts his clackers around in a wheelbarrow. Maybe if we could pipe in the music from that episode with this post like it’s a MySpace page. I don’t know. I’m at 249 words, so I’m done.